My Horoscope Says….

For laughs I thought I’d check out some information about my horoscope.. my birthday is coming up and all…

You really have to laugh at astrology. Especially coming from an actual science background like I do…

First of all, I just found out there’s a phenomenon called the ‘procession of equinoxes’ and basically it means the whole constellation thing… has been shifting around for the past 1000 years and all our ‘signs’ are totally all boxed out of whack. So all these years I thought I was born under the sign of Aries.. when in fact it was Pisces all along. (Stupid Astrologists.)

Well crap. Now what?

Aries is all fire and spit and vinegar… the ram thing.
Where Pisces is a water sign… all sensitive to animals and suffering, a fish.

I never could swim well. And once you start reading through the fluff ..readings of astrologers… at least I fit a WHOLE lot closer to the Aries characteristics than the Fishy ones?

ARIES
You are a go-getter. You are head-strong and sometimes even impulsive. Your ambition leads you to new ideas and goals. Your energy and enthusiasm is great, however you can also be quite blunt at times (WHO ME??)

You are also known for your directness. Issues are generally black and white to you, and once you decide on something, you stick to it, proclaiming the strength of your position in no uncertain terms.
(I thought that was the definition of  ‘BLOGGER’).

On the negative side of ARIES…

“You believe that when something needs to be done, it should be done right away, in a certain way, and you can’t understand why anyone should be slow or difficult about it. You’ll end up doing the job yourself if you feel others aren’t holding up their end.”
(All I can say is.. AMEN. I don’t call that negative, I call that EFFICIENT!)

PISCES
It is difficult for you to notice the suffering of others, including animals. Upon noticing, you can also be fairly emotional in sight of such suffering. You are sympathetic to those in distress, especially animals and children, and you also have a desire to help them.  (blah blah blah)

(I realize these things are written with a lot of generalities.. but except for the part where I seriously cry during EVERY single movie I EVER watch.. there isn’t a lot here that fits with me. I totally wish I were more imaginative.. gullible? Sometimes.. isn’t everyone? Sorry my fishy friends… )

A couple negatives for PISCES
You have a hard time making up your mind about anything.
(Yeah.. SO very NOT me. I tend to make a decision and stick with it til blood flows…)

The slightest out-of-earshot whisper or behind-the-back rumor will floor you.
(Again.. NOT me… I always say, I was raised with 9 other siblings, there’s pretty much nothing that will truly offend me. Go ahead try me.)

So there you have it. I totally proved that I am for sure, absolutely NOT a fish. (Whew!)
I find the whole astrology thing more a study in generalities.. and born under the sign of Aries-Smaires or Dolphin… whatever.
Every time I read through stuff like this half the signs seem like a good fit, oh look I’m upset today.. that makes me an Aquarious!
We should make our own up….

Maybe google can find some ‘fake’ astrology for us… or at least humorous??

Yeah, here’s one… from Astrology Weekly.

and another

From appropriately named: Hilarioscope.

I did find possibly a more funny one.. but it had some ahem… language in it.. I better not share that one. Sorry.

(Photos: PhotoXpress.com)